LonelyStreets.com
Summer’s End
Strange to call this the end of summer, by birthday not having even arrived yet, but it is in terms of my schedule. I only have two weeks left at Intuit after which I’ll move back to Pittsburgh (in a new a bigger apartment!), and then spend a few days in New York for the Adobe Design Achievement awards (ADAA), before having about a week to get my life together and start school. Yikes. I guess I haven’t mentioned the ADAA before: I don’t really like to toot my own horn to much, but it’s a big honor. My team from Basic Interaction with Shelley Evenson last fall has been picked as a finalist for our Flirtastic! project - so I’ll be headed to New York to attend the ceremony and find out if we won the grand prize (fingers crossed! fingers crossed!).
Work has been going well - I’ve gotten involved in a bit of a blogging competition, which is why I’ve rarely had the energy left to post on this, my own blog. We received an email from my boss’ boss a couple weeks ago saying that there were only a few weeks left of the first quarterly blog competition. The Experience Design team has an internal blog, you see, and they thought it would help encourage posting if the offered up an 8 gig iPod touch to the most prolific blogger. Well, that was a challenge (and potential reward) that I just couldn’t turn down, and so I have been desperately trying to catch up with and out-pace my boss in the blogging competition (I’m not there yet, but I’ve beengetting close). The down side, however, is that I never feel like posting on my own blog (and I’ve been so full of deep design insights 
I do have a few links that I’ve been meaning to put up though, so here they are:
Illustrator Jacob Charles Dietz does some of the coolest Sci-Fi art I’ve ever seen (if he could only stick to the buildings and machines and drop the cheesy big-breasted ladies his work would be downright spectacular).
And we no longer need to worry about people picking up when we only really wanted to leave a voicemail! Genius. And terribly terribly sad.
And some awesome design humor. What would happen if Microsoft redesigned the iPod packaging?
And finally, the following cartoon is just about my favorite thing in the world right now. It’s from The Rut, which has many more incredibly wonderful comics.
July 24th, 2008
Posted by Paul in Humor | No Comments »
Ways DARPA is trying to kill us all
OK, so I can only prove that one of these was a darpa project, but seriously - who else would pay for the development of an evil robotic spy-snake?
Headless robot dog on you tube
What I really want to see is a full-on raging pit battle between these two. Awesome!
March 20th, 2008
Posted by Paul in Humor | No Comments »
Homely Airports and Green Celebs
Spring break is now ending - it’s been nice to have some free time–though not as much as I would have hoped - I ended up working 50 hours in order to finish the project I’ve been working on for the Office of Campus Design. It’s a real load off my back to have that done however: after 5 months I have now completely inventoried, mapped, and photographed every single “outdoor asset” (read: ashtrays, garbage cans, etc.) on the Carnegie Mellon Campus. Now I’ll just have to think up a nice way to visualize it all (not as part of my job - just because it’s there and I want something pretty to show off my work). At any rate, spring break meant that I was able to spend my evenings watching Lost online with my wife, which was all I really wanted. For those who don’t know, you can watch all 4 seasons of Lost on ABC.com in Hi-def streaming for free. So if you’re not addicted o this ridiculous but enthralling show, go be so now.
In other good news, I’ve accepted a summer internship offer with Intuit! I’m super excited to go work for them in Mountain View, California this summer- the internship sounds like a great experience and the people I’ve met from Intuit have really impressed me.
Finally, I found some great little media tidbits this past week that I thought I’d scan and share. First, the following is from Glamour Magazine, which means, sadly, that it is probably NOT tongue-in-cheek…
And this second one is from the Saturday Financial Times:
Funny that they’ve never mentioned “the art of creating pockets of homeliness” here at D-school. Maybe they do that up in Architecture…?
March 15th, 2008
Posted by Paul in CMU, Humor | 1 Comment »
Awesome Lego Darth Vader video!
I came across the following buried in an otherwise irrelevant Gizmodo post. This is really really funny:
Lego Darth Vader Canteen Incident (on YouTube)
Go geek humor!
February 23rd, 2008
Posted by Paul in Humor | No Comments »
The Bully Peregrine
So, a Peregrine Falcon has apparently taken to hunting in my backyard and the yards of my immediate neighbors. I first saw this ridiculously large bird in my backyard on day last month. I stepped out back, not noticing her and making lots of noise, before looking up to find myself with a very large and threatening looking bird standing over a lump of feathers and staring very directly at me. Being the lover of wildlife that I am, I very slowly marched back inside to get away from the horrible thing. I told my wife, who made the odd suggestion that perhaps it was a wild turkey, and that I should venture back into the yard to get a photo. I insisted that turkeys don’t eat pigeons, and that there was no way I was risking my life to get a photo of it. After a little Googling we discovered that the bird in our backyard (which had by then gone back to enjoying it’s meal) was in fact a Peregrine Falcon. I eventually did poke my head just far enough outside the door to snap the following shot before zipping back inside where the bird could not ‘go all Hitchcock on my ass.’ Thus I present you with the following shot:
Later that day I returned home to find nothing more than a (rather largely spread out) bed of pigeon feathers in the snow of the backyard, and assumed that was the end of it. Until yesterday, that is.
Again, I rather obliviously marched into my backyard and plopped down in a chair only to look up and find myself staring into the face of the Peregrine Falcon again (I should point out that it was at least 5 feet closer to me than the first time, bringing the distance between me and it to no more than 25 yards - distinctly within my ‘personal-bird-of-prey-space-boundary’). I got up, moving carefully, and began to move back towards the door, when suddenly the BANG BANG BANG of nearby construction erupted, sending me into a haze of paranoid pheromones which the falcon immediately picked up on, and responded by launching itself into the air, small mammal gripped in its murderous talons (probably going for my throat or eyes). By the grace of God, however, I made it back into my kitchen unscathed and proceeded to peek out the blinds of my back window, only to see that the Falcon had now perched in a relatively low tree limb over my backyard. The bird was alternating between ripping the flesh of its dinner and looking up directly at my kitchen window - death (my death) clearly in its all-too-intelligent-and-malevolent eyes. As seen here:
I stayed inside and wore a hat when I stepped out (the front door), and figured that I should be free of the bird’s ill-will for at least another 3 weeks. Until this afternoon. Stepping into the backyard once again, I was surprised to hear the sound of terrified sparrows flying like bats-outta-hell only to see my nemesis the falcon again swooping around over the backyards of my neighbors and I. Needless to say I went back inside with no little haste. I’ve looked it up, and these things have a hunting radius of more than 10 miles - so I think I can say that I need no further proof that this falcon is out to kill me. As far as I can tell it must live on the Cathedral of Learning as detailed here, and yet it is now paying daily visits to my home. Perhaps if I wear Kevlar body-armor I may yet survive…
January 22nd, 2008
Posted by Paul in Pittsburgh, Photography, Humor | 1 Comment »
Explosion
The following is just plain funny. It came inserted with a pair of headphones:
But lets look at it from a design perspective, shall we? Clearly we don’t want our headphones exploding and so will do everything possible to avoid it. We know from the diagram that the we should use a AAA battery - but is that a type? Is the brand of battery a type? The headphones came with a Phillips brand battery, do I need to find another one of those? Will extended life batteries work, or will a Duracel Ultra result in my head exploding? It seems to me that these are legitimate concerns. If there’s any risk whatsoever of my headphones exploding, I think I would really appreciate more specific instructions rather than a vague warning that by using these headphones I’m putting my life in danger…
On the other hand, I’d really like to see a pair of headphones explode.Â
October 6th, 2007
Posted by Paul in Design Thinking, Humor | No Comments »
Slugs!
So, two mornings ago I woke up earlier than usual. I went outside for my morning smoke and was surprised (and a little disgusted), to find a whole family of giant slugs crawling around my backyard! My memory of slugs when I was a child is that they were small fleshy colored things no longer than the end of my pinky figure, but these guys were longer than my middle finger. One of the slugs was even curled up on the table next to my ashtray. So, I took photos of course.
The following night I found that the slug near my ashtray had returned (he left during the daylight), so I decided to give him a name - Sluggy! (the exclamation point is integral). Anyway, it turns out that slugs are really not very reactive - I blew smoke at Sluggy! and he did nothing. So then I poked him a little - he still did nothing. I could have gone further, but he’s my friend now, and I didn’t want to ruin his day, so I left him alone after that and instead goggled slugs and learned all about them. Apparently these are Leopard slugs, and are quite common (and considered a pest because they often eat garden veggies). They also copulate by twining around each other and intertwining their corkscrew-shaped slug penises (all slugs are hermaphroditic), and hanging from a thread of thick mucus during the act. This is why I think that Sluggy! got laid last night - this morning he/she was gone, but there was a ridiculously thick dollop of slime hanging off the edge of my table (it looked really nasty). I just hope s/he didn’t get his penis chewed off (slugs apparently have to do this failrly regularly in order to disentangle themselves - after which the unlucky one stays female for life - up to three years for this type of slug). Anyway, I hope Sluggy! comes back again tonight - maybe I’ll try petting him. Meanwhile, here are some pics:
September 28th, 2007
Posted by Paul in Photography, Humor | 1 Comment »
Grad School and Iowans
The following are the most common reactions Emily and I receive when we announce that we’re heading off to grad school. Note than many Iowans are not limited to just one of these comments:
Are you doing it online?
So, you’re going to Drake then?
Oh, Pittsburgh? Do you have family there?
So are you going to get a job out there too?
What will your wife/husband do?
(S)he’s going to graduate school too? How will you pay the bills?
Well that’s smart. Do it while you’re young.
It’s good to do that now before you have kids.
That’s going to be quite an adventure.
Carnegie Mellon? Hum. I don’t know it…
_____________________________________________
All I can say is: Damn I’m glad I’m leaving.
June 15th, 2007
Posted by Paul in Humor | No Comments »
bucolopolis
In an effort to more correctly define the landscapes and physical aspects of Midwestern American cities, I propose a new and enhanced Lexicon of the Bucolopolis. Bucolopolis, is of course just one of the many terms that will fit into this lexicon (which is evolving). But first, credit where it is due: this lexicon was inpired by the wonderful writer Neal Stephenson, and more specifically, his book Snow Crash (which I recommend to anyone with a sense of humor and an interest in where America would be, if taken to the logical extreme). In Snow Crash, Mr. Stephenson (who was also the inventor of the term “avatar” as a word for an online persona), uses the term burb-clave to refer to the fenced-in, self-governed, self-policed enclaves which today’s gated suburbs have become in the not-too-distant future. Personally I believe that this term has relevance to modern America, West Des Moines particularly. I encourage all my readers to submit additions to the lexicon for future inclusion. I also hope to provide photo-documentation of each term where possible. And so:
apartment warren - home to the mall-dra’s less wealthy natives, apartment warrens are large settlement-structures rising no higher than three stories, but often covering many acres of land (most often super-fund sites). Apartment warrens exhibit much greater diversity in exterior form than burb-claves, but are sadly all identical within. Residents of an apartment warren are transient by definition, constantly moving to new apartment warrens following a trail of declining credit requirements. Apartment warrens are a bit of an enigma, as land values in the non-burb-clave mall-dra are so low that houses often sell for under $50 at annual tax auctions. For some reason, however, apartment warrens continue to grow in ever-increasing numbers, occasionally creeping right up to the wrought-iron-fenced border of burb-claves.
bucolopolis - Stemming from the terms ‘bucolic‘ and ‘metropolis,’ a bucolopolis is a post-suburban colony of burb-claves, mall-claves, and apartment warrens containing more than 50,000 people and having no actual cultural value to anyone whatsoever. Bucolopolis’ residents never work within the confines of their native bucolopolis, preferring to cross the mall-dra daily to find employment in a nearby metropolis or (in the case of those poor souls indigenous to apartment warrens), a Wells Fargo retail branch. Simultaneously, all enterprises within the bucolopolis are staffed by undocumented Mexicans who send all their wages back home and teenagers who spend all their money on pot (either way, the money ends up south of the American border, thus actually draining the bucolopolis of capital). The net result is that the bucolopolis is essentially an economic non-entity with artificial real estate values invented purely for the purpose of taxation. Mysteriously, the bucolopolis is actually becoming more common in America as time goes on. Residents often cite the complete and utter lack of any reason whatsoever to ever, not even once, walk anywhere as a primary enticement.
burb-clave - A large to uber sized community of houses characterized by vinyl siding, trees comparable to a head of broccoli (where any exist at all), and a complete and utter lack of variation or distinction among individual domiciles. Burb-claves are often gated communities and frequently govern residents with a strict code to rein in misfits tempted to do garish things like paint their house any color other than cream with tan trim. Many physically separate burb-claves are actually related organisms, having been instituted by a single developer and team of no more than 2 very bored architects.
mall-clave - A more recent relative of the burb-clave, mall-claves are an attempt to protect delicate residents from the dangers and foul conditions of the mall-dra at large. Mall-claves accomplish this formidable feat by combining a burb-clave with a shopping mall. Mall claves are generally open air tracts of mall-dra with condominiums built directly on top of the mall itself, thus precluding natives’ usually pressing need to venture into the world at large to obtain necessities such as Budweiser and Gap polo shirts.
mall-dra - Rooted in the term ‘tundra,’ the mall-dra is characterized by equally harsh and unwelcoming conditions. Mall-dra is the land separating burb-claves, mall-claves, and apartment warrens, taking the physical form of seemingly never-ending expanses of concrete interspersed with Monsanto brand grass and strip malls from bygone eras (which commonly contain stores such as T.J. Maxx, Marshalls, and Radio Shack). One of the greatest dangers of the modern mall-dra is that one may easily become permanently lost. Mall-dra remains completely uncharted (even built-in nav-units are incapable of navigating them), and grows almost as if it were designed to trap unsuspecting travelers. A common danger of the mall-dra is random curbs springing up in the middle of otherwise undifferentiated parking lots. These curbs are so designed as to be nearly invisible in daylight and just high enough that even mobile abode/ramming units such as the Hummer cannot go over them. Finally, mall-dra are covered in Ice in winter, scorching hot in summer, and prone to flooding in spring and autumn. Note that while being permanently lost in the mall-dra is a terrible fate, there is little risk of death as long as one remains in the shelter of their vehicle, as mall-dra offers a plethora of low-grade nourishment opportunities such as Applebee’s and Olive Garden. It is also important to remember that one should never ever attempt to cross even the smallest portion of mall-dra on foot, conditions being unsuited to human survival outside of an SUV (two-door Toyotas have been known to actually melt in mall-dra in summer). Click here for a photo.
June 2nd, 2007
Posted by Paul in Humor | No Comments »
Minute Men
About 2 weeks ago my wife Emily (who is the Director of the New Iowans Center here in Des Moines - a small office of folk who specialize in helping immigrants within the larger offices of Iowa Workforce Development, the State of Iowa employment agency) received an odd phone call at work:
“New Iowan Center, this is Emily”
“Do you help illegals there?”
“Um, is there something I can help you with?”
“Do you provide employment assistance, education assistance and referrals to illegals?”
“We require that everyone we assist in obtaining employment provide a social security number first.”
“Oh. Ok. So you don’t help illegals?”
“We require that everyone we assist in obtaining employment provide a social security number first. Are you new to Iowa, is there something I can help with?”
“No, that’s all. Thanks.”
Click
Then, this last Monday, upon arriving at work, Emily found an email from a coworker in another town directing her to the Minute Men’s website, which had her offices scheduled for a protest. The odd thing was that the protest was set for 4:30. Iowa Workforce Development (which takes up an entire building), is a State government agency. This means that if the building closes at 4:30, the building is empty by 4:30:03. My wife let a couple of her friends (and fellow immigration-activist-collaborator types) know about what was going on and they met her in front of the building at 4:30 to see the protesting bigots.
Unfortunately, nobody thought to photo-document things, but try to picture this scene: five old (really old) rather raggedy guys with the typical look of aging vets standing on the sidewalk. The sidewalk is on the opposite side of a large parking lot from the building, and the men are holding up signs with slogans like “Stop the Illegal Invasion” (had I been there, I think I would have been tempted to ask which illegal invasion they were talking about), and “Illegals take American Jobs.” The five men, in an apparent state of confusion and disarray are milling about from one end of the sidewalk to the other with no clear purpose or direction, and continue to do so for about 5 minutes before stopping and facing the now completely empty IWD building. These guys are not chanting or anything else so noticeable and they all walk around with pronounced limps and look vaguely uncomfortable and insecure.
So, of course, my wife and her friend Kirk decide to go talk to them. (the Minute Men, mind you, had never seen my wife before).
Emily (in a perky voice): “So, what are you guys doing out here?”
Guy #1: “We heard they help illegals in there.”
Emily: “Really? What sort of help do they give them?”
Guy #1: “I don’t know. You gotta ask Bob, he’s our leader.”
Emily: “So you don’t know what they do in there?”
Guy #1: “I don’t know. Bob told us to come down here. You gotta talk to Bob.”
(Emily walks over to Bob, who is already involved in a discussion with Kirk)
Emily: “So, what exactly are you guys protesting out here?”
Bob: “Well, there’s this place in this building called the New Iowan Center, and we heard that companies call them when they want to hire some illegals.”
At which point Kirk says: “Well, she’s the Director of the New Iowan Center. How would you respond to that?”
Emily: “I would say that we require that all people whom we help look for a job provide us with a Social Security Number”
Bob (beginning to sound plaintive and a little whiny: “Yeah, I actually called last week and..”
Emily: “Yes, I think I remember you.”
Bob: “they told me that people needed a valid social security number to get help looking for jobs.”
Bob (sounding even more uncomfortable): “I told them you guys require a valid Social Security number, I told them, but they wouldn’t listen and they told us to come out here anyway. You should talk with our director. He’s in eastern Iowa. He was supposed to be coming out here with, like, 30-40 guys..”
Another guy chimes in: “Yeah, gas is kinda expensive right now…”
May 21st, 2007
Posted by Paul in Politics, Humor | No Comments »